Emotional affairs – are you having one?

Emotional affairs are love affairs of the heart and mind. They are not really about sex although most turn in to physical affairs as they naturally progress like a normal relationship does.

Subconsciously you are sexually attracted to your emotional affair partner from the start but convince yourself you are just friends. Sound familiar? If you keep justifying your relationship to yourself each other or even to your suspicious partner then you are on a very slippery slope.

Unsurprisingly many of these happen in the workplace. 8 hours a day 5 days a week, we get to know people and spend more time with colleagues than our partners and families.
Many of us have a work spouse. Yes I know that sounds funny but these relationships are happening every day right under our noses. This is basically when you have a partner already but you have someone at work you admire and click with and it’s probable that your partner doesn’t even know about them:

Emotional affair = deception. If you start hiding things from your partner about a close friend or colleague you are being unfaithful. A true friendship with a member of the opposite sex is open and honest and your partner knows of them.

When affairs come to light (and don’t get it twisted it most likely will come out) the significant other isn’t so much upset about the talking or the sex they are mostly upset about the DECEPTION, being lied to, and they feel foolish. You’ve made a fool out of your partner and humiliated them for what was basically a cheap thrill or two and an ego boost.

Yes it’s exciting to have attention, I get that, and relationships get stale quickly. You become too familiar with your partner and up to your eyeballs in shitty nappies, you take each other for granted. It’s easy to fall in to the trap of the emotional affair.

Your emotional affair will quickly consume your thoughts and you will become obsessed with her. You will lead two different lives life with your partner and life with the other woman and whilst it’s addicting and illicit you will hate yourself for being in the affair and desperately want to stop.

Emotional affairs are like crack addiction. You know it’s bad for you but you want the high of talking, being with this new person. She gets you like no other right? You think If only my partner was like her. You won’t leave your partner but you may even start to resent her – if only I was free to be with this other woman my life could be great. This is when your partner may notice things aren’t right at home.

These addictions to each other are so strong that people can be stuck in these affairs for 20 years or more. They break them off but then keep going back to each other as they think life is miserable without their affair partner and they convince themselves that being in the affair is better than being apart even if they can’t be together.

It feels like love. But it’s not love. It’s your brain tricking you and keeping a fantasy alive. Yes a fantasy. Stolen moments ,messages of sweet nothings is not real life – living together paying the bills picking up their dirty clothes off the floor, you don’t experience all that and if you did your fantasy bubble would burst very quickly.
Knock them off the pedestal and end it once and for all. It’s unhealthy for all parties and nearly always ends in tears.

For the adulterer: find out what’s missing inside you to cheat on your partner? When you’re emotionally connected to another something is very wrong at home with how you connect to your partner. Fix it or end your relationship.

No women should ever tolerate being the other woman. I don’t care if you love him or he’s the one, he’s not yours. Work out why you think this is all you deserve, someone’s sloppy seconds. Pick your pride up off the floor and tell him to sling his hook like the sassy woman you are and find a man who would give his right arm to be with you and only you…

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