Maman

I was thinking about my mum tonight. I don’t think of her every day as bad as that sounds, although I did before I had cancer.
It’s 13 years this year since she died I can’t quite believe it’s been that long.

I smiled to myself thinking about my short wavy hair how much she would have loved it. She liked my hair short. Something quite unimportant but it made me think of her.

I wonder how different my cancer battle would have been with her still alive;  with her support and love? Easier I’m sure. Everyone needs their mum from the minute they are born.  We rely on them for food for comfort, for life

When we are little and fall over and graze our knee it’s our mums we run to crying because we are hurt and they just  make us feel better.

When I had cancer I was hurting inside and I wanted my mum to make me feel better. I guess in a way i regressed and  I did feel like a little girl that needed looking after.  But alas,  she wasn’t around anymore. That was really fucking hard. 

I wonder what she would say to me today?  She always said I was strong and a born survivor,  I think even she would be shocked at me having breast cancer so young.

I do miss her, but the sound of her voice I can’t recall now and that is so very sad..

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