Yesterday it was the Macmillan Coffee morning and I went along to a local one in my area.
I don’t think I was prepared for the emotional impact and actually if you will forgive me for sounding rude or uncaring I was emotionally drained by the end.
But of course I care or I wouldn’t ask to hear people’s stories and give them advice. I think 9/10 people just want you to listen really.
I met a lady who just had her surgery for breast cancer and she’d been given the all clear. I met a guy who’s mum had thyroid cancer and he talked about the impact on his family. I met a guy who lost his dad to cancer and ran a marathon for Macmillan. I met a lady who lost her dad 25 years ago who burst in to tears recalling the pain and feeling such loss so many years on. I met a family who’s cousin is in her 20s and is dying from a brain tumour.
All these people in a room affected by cancer in some way coming together to raise money for others is a wonderful thing and I felt proud to be part of an amazing occasion.
So I’m still dating the same guy but I’m not sure we share the same values and passions.
Last night we spoke about depressed people and suicides something that I consider important and care about and his view was that people need to help themselves and not get to the point where they are beyond help.
To which I said that’s a dangerous thing to say, almost as bad as saying “snap out of it.”
Most depressed people need someone to listen to them and perhaps if people didn’t blame them for their own illness and were more supportive.. who knows. Things would be different I’m sure of it.
Closed mindedness is not a good trait nor is ignorance. I’m ignorant a lot and I don’t realise at times-it’s not on purpose. I understand people have their problems and suffering in silence is the worst and I would hate for anyone to be feeling like no one understands them. Everyone should have someone in this world they trust who won’t judge them.
But am I looking for things on purpose to sabotage the relationship before its begun or is this just not going to be a good fit? I don’t know.
Admittedly I still feel like I’m hung up on somebody else. I feel like we are connected in some way but he doesn’t see himself how I see him. I know that much.
The thing is how do you just stop feeling that pull towards someone when you’ve secretly been wondering about for so long? How do you switch off? I feel this surge of electricity when we are in close proximity but perhaps it’s just me who’s feeling it.
I think if I kissed him I would never want to stop because it would just feel so good..