Cold November rain

November is hard.  It’s the month before Christmas. Stressful. Expectations are thrust upon you to be in festive spirit and be excited and animated.
I don’t share the excitement and I find being around people who are over excited for up to 6 weeks prior to be tiresome and draining.

I don’t see the point in pretending I love something when I don’t.  To me Christmas is a time to be with family,  help those less fortunate and make peace with those you are estranged from. It’s about love and togetherness. 

Sadly Christmas gets more and more commercial and tacky every year. People posting their Michael kors watches and value of gifts received over social media is nauseating and emphasises my point thst Christmas loses its meaning more every year.

Christmas 2001 was the worst Christmas ever, one month after my mum had died. Since then I never enjoyed it.
The joy was sucked out of it in an instant. So when people tell me I should enjoy Christmas and I’m a scrooge I wonder how they would feel if the same had happened to them?

November is a hard month. Full of sadness memories and tears.
How can it be 13 years that have passed so quickly yet I miss her so much my heart aches.  I know she wouldn’t want me to cry and be sad over Christmas so i try so hard not to.

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I like January. It’s a new start. It’s calmer and quieter; a bit depressing to most but not to me..

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