Today I went to my hospital appointment where the Consultant had a feel of my boobs in front of a nurse (standard) and a student (standard). He then sent me downstairs for lovely diagnostic testing but I had 3 hours to kill so I returned later after spending money on clothes make up and food (standard purchases).
I returned to the hospital alone and to be fair this was only because my dad had to pick up my daughter as it clashed with school finishing. I think he was pretty worried about me and I do give him a hard time I know. He maintains he never hears me because he’s deaf, (which he actually is in one ear) but anyway..
When I entered the unit it instantly brought it all back to me. I was here in May 2013 when they found the cancer on the ultrasound. I felt nauseous. I recognised the lady the who was screening me from the first time around.
‘You’re so young,’ she said.
I smile sweetly and give my standard response ‘I know bad luck eh!’
She tells me that unlike many young women my breasts are predominantly fat. All boobs are made from fat but also fatty tissue. I dont have much tissue.
She shows me my breast on the screen. ‘You are lucky’ she says. ‘It’s far easier to see things if you don’t have so much dense tissues.’
(Things means tumours cysts etc..)
So I have fat boobs. I’m not sure I should feel complimented but I took it that way. Fat arse and fat tits. I clearly have it all!
So I left the hospital not knowing anything and now I have the awful wait for my results.
On the way home I sat on the bus and sat watching an old lady in front of me. She looked about 70 perhaps older. I couldn’t help but feel jealous. She was there seemingly without a care in the world and had made it to old age. And there was me, not yet middle aged by some standards, waiting for more tests results still angry that I had cancer in the first place.
I didn’t know this lady but there I was making assumptions about her life and feeling jealous. Not proud of that but there you go..
Crossing my fingers for good results.