The dementors that consume your soul

Dementors are the disgusting evil creatures that suck the happiness out of you. They literally  suck the life out of you and consume your soul. It’s called a dementors kiss.

Depression is like a dementors kiss. It’s throughly hopeless and miserable.

So many people who have had cancer go on to develop depression anxiety or PTSD. But no one really knows why. Is it the drugs or the shock of it all? Is it others expectations of us to be all fine and dandy and back to normal?

It doesn’t make much sense that treatment is over and hairs grown back and we’re still alive and kicking you’d think one would be over the moon? Yet for me and so many others we are a catastrophic emotional fucked up mess still trying to process what just happened.

Depression is dark and poisonous. The crying does your head in but when the tears come they come and there’s no relief you have to ride it out. Its similar to grief but I don’t really know why I cry. There’s no reason. And you could only ever understand if you’ve been there too I guess.

I was happy once. I miss my old life. Now and again I have a good week but the dementors come for you again and suck you back in.

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Christmas is hard. It reminds me how happy I should be and how happy everyone else is. It reminds me I’m the odd one out and it’s far more lonely surrounded by 100 happy people than it is just with your miserable self.

I hope things will get better but I fear that they never will and this is life now. There’s no truer saying  than people love to kick a dog when it’s down. Why do people do that? Kindness is so important and it costs nothing.

I’ve done too much crying the last two days and I’m too tired to cry anymore I don’t have the energy. I just want January to arrive and people will be less animated and excitable and it will be easier to blend in..

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2 Comments

  1. digthedream

    I’m sorry to hear you are so sad. I enjoy reading your blog and wish there was something I could say that would help. If you feel depressed you probably don’t have much energy either so it won’t help you to make suggestions of things that could do good. I will just send you positive thoughts and say perhaps that you give Fred Claus a run out. It always cheers me up. Give out as much love as you feel able. The returns will catch it up eventually. Much love, Chloe xxx

    Like

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