Well today was one of those surreal days. There’s been a lot of those in the last 18 months and I continue to pinch myself each time.
You never quite get used to the crazy (mostly positive) things that come out of having cancer. Every time you wonder if this is actually happening to you because you can’t quite believe it. There’s always the tug of war in your mind between wanting your old life back sans breast cancer but dull and boring and not really achieving anything, or the life I have now, exciting and successful but knowing that it comes at a dear cost- that I’ve been tainted with the cancer brush.
I’ve decided I may never know the answer to this but when my time comes even if I’m an old lady, I’ll try to answer which life I would have preferred.
So surreal days…
Today an isolation box was erected at Paddington station. The purpose of the box was to emphasise the loneliness and isolation a cancer patient feels even when surrounded by friends and family. Once you stepped in the box you couldnt see out but everyone around you could see you. You then listened to 4 short audio clips about cancer and loneliness through headphones. It was emotive hard hitting and truly amazing.
I don’t relate to everything that cancer charities do ill be honest, but this was spot on. It’s really moved me and so many others and it’s such a joy to know that so many people may now try a little harder to be there for people with cancer. You can’t take the lonely feelings away completely but people being there for you make it so much more bearable.
It’s weird actually because the day was highlighting how half a million people are lonely during cancer. (I include myself in that figure) and yet tonight I don’t think I’ve ever felt less alone, loved and supported. It’s not about praise or admiration either it’s about kindness and acknowledgement.
People talked to me about my cancer. They acknowledged it. There were some happy tears tonight reflecting.
So yes I feel proud but more importantly I feel supported and I could not ask for more than that