What ifs

Yesterday, i don’t know why but I looked up a guy on facebook i was seeing 5 years ago. He’s married now and has 2 kids. I knew he was the settling down type and i knew he’d marry the girl he dated after me, after i didn’t want him.
Anyway i found this out by snooping.

Alex was kind very good looking and doted on me. I really liked him but i stupidly loved my ex who was no good for me. Although charming and so attractive he was a wanker mostly, addicted to weed and the mood swings were unbearable. So I kept getting back together with him then twice between break ups I crawled back to Alex before dumping him again for the 2nd time. I eventually split with my ex for good in the end and Alex met someone new. I didn’t want him but I was jealous all the same.

I think back to how lucky i would have been if I’d have married him and i wonder if five years on my life would have been very different. Perhaps i would have lived a cleaner life and been happier and maybe cancer wouldn’t have happened.
People tell you not to bother with what ifs or if onlys but most of us do it and curiosity gets the better of many of us and social media makes it so easy to look someone up.
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Yes I thought momentarily that she has the perfect life she got the nice attractive husband and kids and no cancer, but she’s not me she doesn’t get to live my crazy amazing life, if a husband is all that’s missing in my life i reckon I’m doing alright..

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