I had an interesting conversation today. It wasn’t critical or patronising it was genuine about what defines us.
Its easy to lose your identity after a life altering disease like cancer and most of us obsess over it and immerse ourselves in to it.
I know people who rarely talk about it and those like me who still talk about it. Who’s to say which is preferable in the long run?
What I will say is I’ve let cancer define me for a long time but i always care about others. Are they sick of me? Am i boring them? Yet I should have put myself above everyone else. Who gives a toss at the end of the day? The others don’t pay my bills.
I miss waking up every morning giggling at my friends antics in our room in the US for a couple of hours at a time. There’s a lot to be said for laughter and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good.
People keep saying i look glowing and radiant and I feel it and see it in the mirror. In SF I was the real me, the old me, not this person defined by cancer. I don’t really like her. Perhaps if i was less critical of myself I would say I keep going when things get tough, I get up again when I fall down; I’m not a quitter. That’s the definition of me.