Lately I’m preoccupied with thoughts of the likely possibility of being someone’s girlfriend but worried about hurting someone or worse the D word (no not the body part) the morbid word.
Yes we could all get hit by a bus tomorrow I know that. Life is uncertain and people die leaving the other half of the couple alone and heartbroken all the time. But it’s weird forming relationships after cancer, it’s so very uncertain and I don’t really know how I can put someone through it all again if God forbid it did happen again.
It’s not really fair though that I deny myself happiness. it’s not my fault after all.
So I am at these crossroads. It’s weird having someone dote on you. Not that it doesn’t happen I just shy away from it. If someone makes you their everything it’s like putting all your chips on one number on the roulette board. They are taking a huge gamble and could lose everything in the blink of an eye. It’s dangerous and in a way, irresponsible.
I am the cautious gambler when it comes to love..