Let it go 

Not being in control scares me. I hate saying to my friends that I’m unsure when I’ll feel well enough to make plans. I hate not knowing when I’ll be able to take my dog for a walk. I hate passing my work over to someone else to do. I hate the fact that everything is up in the air, my head hurts. 

I care more about this than the operation itself and the pain and how I look which is insane. Perhaps I should be more concerned with me and getting better and the op being a success. It’s warped and pretty fucked up. When did I become this person? I think maybe two years ago when I was diagnosed things changed. I lost all control of the life as I knew it and from then on I needed control over everything in my life. 

For once I need to take a deep breath and LET IT GO.

My pre op assessment went well. So much information to take in. There will be ten people in the operating room. 2 will be operating on me at the same time. The first night I will be off my tits on morphine and in intensive care. (Haha pardon the pun) 

I’m frightened and I feel nauseous thinking about being cut open. I will have 3 drains. They are to collect fluid and blood and fat from incisions. Not pleasant but a must.  

No turning back now.

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2 Comments

  1. boobiebetrayal

    You are in good hands and it will be worth it I am sure.
    As always, take all of the meds offered to you and ask for more when needed. Morphine is pretty awesome its only such a shame that you have to be pretty f’up to be given it 😦
    Stay strong my sweet, you can do this x

    Like

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