Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wanna settle down…

I’ve been feeling a little blue.

I have had too much time to think, overthink. Does everyone overthink or is it just women? I think it must depend on the person.

I am a pro at overthinking. You could say it’s my number one skill.

Unfortunately over thinking is not good for anyone. But I must find out the whys, so if I have no conclusion, I come to my own conclusion instead, (which is probably way off the mark most of the time).

So today, whilst thinking about how kind people have been to me in the last month- friends, family, colleagues, I quickly move on to negative thoughts, and think about people I’m friendly with or close to, or work closely with who haven’t been in touch with me. Nothing, nada, not a peep. I know I shouldn’t care, and it shouldn’t bother me, it’s not like I’ve faced this on my own, I’ve had people there for me who I have been able to rely on, but it’s tough I suppose to stomach,hard to accept, particularly if I like the person.

I mean no contact basically means someone is not bothered about you, or dislikes you. I don’t see how it can be less black and white.

I’m fine. I’m not dying, I’m not in major pain, I just had an operation. But it was kind of a big deal, a pivotal point in my recovery. Ok so I didn’t have a baby, or a new cancer diagnosis, I didn’t get married, I guess people don’t want to celebrate with me. I realise this post is very self pitying, I feel guilty I feel this way.

Anyway I realised too that sometimes you have to move on even when you don’t want to. There was a kids programme called The littlest Hobo, about a dog who really loved his owners but only for a little while before he moved on and went to new owners. The theme tune sang “maybe tomorrow I want to settle down, until tomorrow I’ll just keep moving on.” I have always felt like that dog ever since I was 5 years old. I have to keep moving on, I can never settle. Maybe it’s because people let you down, and are unreliable, and I found that out very early on..im-movin-on

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