Today was a bad day. My insomnia is taking its toll. Being tired and grumpy affects your emotions and thought processes.
Anyway we lost another lady yesterday. A young mother. I didn’t know her personally but like with all breast cancer bloggers you feel like you do. A couple of weeks ago she was writing her blog and now she is dead. The scary thing is is it all seems to happen so quickly.
I know I said I wasn’t going to blog about cancer anymore and I know I’ve been in a good place. I also know that I shouldn’t be negative and know that it’s better to be positive. But today I can’t shake the feeling that it might be me.. I’m always the one to say to people who worry that they should stop worrying, that it won’t be them they’ve beaten it…
I feel so sick and dizzy with fear yet I know that in a week or so I will be confident again. But still it doesn’t take away the time spent worrying and I know it’s only a matter of time until the next person I know dies and rinse and repeat.
This sounds self indulgent but it doesn’t detract from how sorry and sad I am everytime someone dies from secondary cancer. Anyone would be fucking petrified if it were them right?
Aghhhhh I’m so tired of this merry go round 😔