Do you ever feel like you are the only person who has your back? Like you are the only person to stand up for yourself, to love your ideas?
Sometimes I do.
There’s one person who’s always been there for me during tough times.
I’m quite good at the whole assertive thing. I guess it shows. But just occasionally it would be nice if I thought someone else had my back too. If someone else took my side and someone else loved my ideas as much as I did.
Sometimes I feel it’s me against the world. And not against in a fighting sense but me alone and unsupported.
I saw something today and it made me cry. It was about a woman who lost her young daughter to cancer. She said all her family and friends turned their backs on her daughter and her daughter felt abandoned and alone. It sparked something in me, a feeling of anguish and then this recollection of the abandonment I felt and how I had to cope alone much of the time when dealing with diagnosis and having chemo.
People said that I was ‘so strong’ and I pushed people away because I was too proud, I regret giving off this aura and I kind of blame myself for having very little support at the time. But it wasn’t just my fault. I shouldn’t have had to ask people all the time. I feel let down and over 2 years on from the disease I still feel like that fragile girl who just wants someone to have her back sometimes…