Living on my nerves again.

So…

I’m just trying to keep it all together and keep busy. My brain runs away with itself and I start imagining traumatic things that I don’t want to write about here in case I jinx myself.  

 
I guess I’m not overly worried about biopsies of my womb it’s just a precaution, but the bone scan is really worrying me. 
In my heart I know that I’m a survivor and however bad it gets I always seem to get through it and gain that second chance. But yet I know I’m not invincible and the doctors words “you have high risk breast cancer” echo in my head. With a her 2- positive disease,grade 3 cancer cells that infiltrated 2 of my nodes, I know my cancer was very agressive compared to many of my friends cancers. Yet I also know I’ve had a lot more treatment than them with total node removal a mastectomy and a years worth of Herceptin so it all kind of levels out and actually whether agressive or not, it all really boils down to

LUCK

I am becoming more tolerant every day regarding how people speak about cancer. Specifically peoples negative views, and ignorance. It’s taken me nearly 2.5 years to understand and accept. In a way I have detached myself from my cancer which is much easier to do so  particularly from an emotional standpoint. Before my reactions were emotionally charged a) because I am an emotional person and b) because I was frightened. It’s nice to be more rational and let things go over my head though I feel proud of myself.

What does it matter that someone has an ignorant point of view that’s offensive? It’s not going to change my outcome, I don’t have to be friends with these people or include them in my life. Just let it be.

I know I have a lot of regular readers here. I’m not sure why you all read, but hopefully it’s because you are interested in my progress. I guess all I can ask is that you cross your fingers for me that my scans are all clear. 

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