There are no prizes to be won for how well you cope during cancer.

There are no prizes to be won for how positive you are during cancer. 

There are no rewards. 

There’s no financial gain.

Sure being positive and upbeat may help you deal with your cancer. You’ll also gain a hell of a load of respect and admiration from others.

But you shouldn’t ever be a slave to how you think people want you act. 

The key is staying true to yourself. Feeling comfortable with how you have chosen to deal with it. If you aren’t emotional and you are a practical person maybe you don’t need to be vocal. Maybe you don’t cry maybe you don’t get angry and that’s good. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with grief, just like there’s no right or wrong way to deal with a cancer diagnosis.

The only wrong thing is suppressing how you feel and denying your emotional needs. Pretending you’re doing great when you’re falling apart. That’s very sad. 

Have you ever noticed that there’s often such a fuss made by non-cancer folk about how well someone’s coped and how positive someone’s been throughout?

Perhaps as a result  there’s this pressure felt by people that they must cope with their diagnosis with dignity in this perfect way? The focus seems to be on how people cope with their cancer emotionally. Not about treatment or prognosis merely how they present themselves to the world. It’s quite bizarre. (I get that people are inspired and I  get that people think cancer victims are brave and courageous though I really do).

  Emotional outbursts can be seen as weak. Voicing that you’re frightened or scared of dying can also be perceived as weak and too negative. But is it ever really weak expressing how you truly feel? I don’t think so.

I look up to positive people. I admire people who just get on with things and love life cancer or not. I wish I was more like them sometimes.

It’s  ok to be who you want to be though and say what you want to say. There’s no shame in coping in a less that perfect way. It means youre human. 

There are no prizes to be won for how well you cope during cancer…

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2 Comments

  1. boobiebetrayal

    I totally agree with you. Whilst many people seem open to asking cancer patients about their feelings. They aren’t really, especially if these feelings don’t line up with what the questioner feels comfortable with.
    Many times I’ve had people ask me how I am doing only to hear ”Try and stay positive” and the ever so helpful ‘Don’t worry, you will beat this for sure”.
    I know they mean well but.. urgh the pressure is suffocating!

    Once someone commented on how I must be looking forward to this all being over before the end of 2015. I simply replied ”Yes I am, but because the chances are if this cancer is going to kill me it will do so in the next 2-5 years I am more worried about what I want to do in the coming years so I wont regret it if it does”
    A fairly awkward silence and followed as they backed away from the conversation lol…

    Like

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