My mother taught me everything, except how to live Without Her .

In November it will be 14 years since my mum died of cancer. 

Cancer picks who it wants. It doesn’t matter too much about size or vices or diet- contrary to what you read, much of it IS bad luck. I don’t want to go in to a scientific debate, but that is something I’m sure of. 

My lovely mum, small and slim who walked everywhere, carrying heavy bags of shopping from the Co-op. She never are processed food, never smoke or drank, apart from the occasional glass of red.  But does any of that really matter? regardless of the whys she died too young, and like everyone who’s lost their mum there is that deep feeling of unfairness . It can and will make you bitter if you let it, so there has to come to a point where you come to a degree of acceptance. But I guess in my heart I’ve never accepted it fully and probably  never will. 

So I saw this quote (the title of my blog) and I understood what it meant. People enrich our lives and teach us things whether that’s how to tie our shoelaces or how to be a kind and decent person. But people don’t teach us how to live without them- because nobody ever thinks that they will lose their mum or dad particularly at a young age. 

The cruelest part of it all is that I was 6 months pregnant and she never got to see my beautiful Sophie. They say everything happens for a reason and I quote this until I’m blue in the face but deep down I know that sometimes things happen because it’s just fucking bad luck and tragic.

These months close to Christmas are always tough, I never really know how to be or what to do.. I want to commemorate her loss but as the years go on I forget who she was and how she sounded. The memories are fading and I don’t want them to.. 



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