An ode to chemotherapy (and AWOL pubic hair)

Sometimes cancer is amusing. It’s not all serious honestly! 

I think I had some of the funniest days of my life going through cancer treatments; laughing ’til I cried moments. I think this was because  there were such dark and sad days that the belly laugh moments were truly needed and deeply felt and valued.

 I remember 2 years ago I’d lost my hair and wore a wig most of the time.  It was cold, and I literally had no hair at all at this point. (Bald as a coot). I was with my daughter in a clothes  shop- (I really want to say Topshop or some fancy boutique but it was Primark sadly). Anyway I was trying on a jumper and I couldn’t get this jumper off over my head, it was stuck. I was tugging and pulling and then off flew my wig!  People were looking at this now bald girl stuck in this jumper and I was mortified, but my daughter found it so hysterical that I ended up laughing too. I mean it was so shit I had no hair because I had cancer but it didn’t mean I couldn’t have a sense of humour about it all.

  Anyway back to present day:      After having a bath and looking at myself without any clothes, I could never  forget I had cancer. But it’s not all bad. Some of the things treatment brought me are amusing and make me smile to myself and will perhaps make you chuckle?

1. My pubic hair never grew back properly. 

When you have chemo you lose all your body hair too. My lady parts were bare and silky smooth like I’d had a wax. It was great. Then after six months or so, it started growing back, only patchy! There’s places where it hasn’t grown back at all 2 years on,so it looks funny! I never thought I’d miss my average amount of hair down there pre cancer but I do. Yet the hair on my head has grown back 3 times as thick. Maybe my hair is actually my pubes? 😂 

Boobs. Glorious boobs.

I’m not sure if I’m the only person in the world to have had breast cancer to now have much bigger boobs than I had before?Weight gain from treatment and hormone blockers have caused my boobs to get bigger and what with my reconstruction I now have extremely big boobs (I actually think they’re too big) so trying to lose a few pounds in the hope they will deflate.

My bottom is bigger.

See above as to why, but I seem to have really filled out in my derrière region to the point where I can’t shimmy up train carriages without hitting someone with my huge arse, also I do not sit comfortably on an average seat as I do not have an average sized bottom. I don’t think I’ll break the internet anytime soon though like Kim K. 


 I never changed who I was…

Everyone thinks after cancer you don’t sweat the small stuff-you’re so grateful for life, nothing could possibly piss you off Because   you’re this new improved you. Well that’s not true (for me). I’m still the same person as I was before. I didn’t go through all this shit to not like who I am or not be comfortable with myself.

I may have patchy eyebrows and pubic hair I may have scars (and a newly made belly button which is pretty cute btw), but underneath all the superficial exterior I’m still me. 


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