Why I’m secretly happy when I’m not feeling well.

Between 2011 and 2013, I never got sick. I think I escaped a cold for 2 years at least. I remember that I used to gloat how healthy I was to anyone that would listen, and then the funny thing was I went and got cancer didn’t I. My humour is dry to say the least, but it is amusing really when you think about it.

I remember going to see a acupuncturist soon after my treatment ended and I told her this exact story. (Now you may think that  she’s not a medical professional but oncologists do recommend them these days).

So, she said to me that because I had this cancer growing and I was already sick on the inside, my body would not have been able to deal with any colds or coughs so I didn’t outwardly get sick. I know it sounds strange and I probably haven’t explained it well, but since cancer treatment ended, especially of late I get coughs colds flu pretty regularly like an average person, just like I did pre 2011. To me this signifies that my body is working efficiently as it should.  Everytime I have a cold I think to myself yeah I feel like shit, but I’m so happy to have this cold because I don’t have cancer.

Its a weird time for me right now approaching 2 years since I had my last chemotherapy on 5 November. I’m very moody and fed up of having to be a certain way around people, i.e. happy and smiley. That is not how I am feeling on the inside, so why should I pretend otherwise.

People still don’t understand or take the whole breast cancer seriously. It’s still over sexualised and I blame certain cancer charities and media for that. Men in particular can be very crass when talking about breast cancer and boobs. It just makes me very defensive and I’ve come to the realisation that unless you go through breast cancer with a lifelong partner, no guy is ever going to get it or accept it now post cancer so im not wasting my time trying.

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