Lumps that go bump in the night. 

 I’ve found a hard lump in my reconstructed breast.  I think it’s what they call fat necrosis. Basically, when they make the new breast, some of the fat they use for the stuffing can die and hard tissue can form. 
They usually deal with things like this in phase 2 of your reconstruction.  Seeing as all of my actual original breast tissue on that side was removed, it’s unlikely to be sinister, but nevertheless it’s alarming, and made me sit bolt upright in bed the other night when I discovered it.

If you have reconstructed boobs you  will probably have a habit of touching them all the time.  I’ve made a sweeping statement there, but presumably I’m not alone on that front (if you’ll pardon the pun). I don’t know if it’s a mixture of having something new attached to you and the fear/vigilance but I’m always touching them at the wrong time in the wrong places. I catch myself doing it all the time. It’s become like an addiction. 

All sexual connotations need to be  left at the door. You have to understand that I don’t really see my boobs as sexual anymore at least not when it comes to talking about them-It’s all very mechanical and clinical. You also should understand how many people have seen them and how much they have been mucked about with in the medical sense!! I wanted boobs because I wanted to feel feminine and I wanted to be sexy, but I still treat them as ticking time bombs and almost feel angry about their existence sometimes.  Occasionally I even regret  the whole reconstruction process. Apart from looking good in clothes and guys on tinder telling me how great my tits are, they are just a worry and a nuisance. 

I’ve told a few people about it and they either look worried for me (worrying) or tell me it’ll be nothing to worry about which I find dismissive and uncaring. Quite frankly nobody can win with me regarding this sort of thing.

 
Anyway,  here’s hoping the lump turns out to be nothing..  

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