Sometimes I struggle to write and update this blog, because nothing is going on that’s worth documenting. But not feeling like writing is usually a sign that I’m unhappy or there’s something going on in my subconscious brain.
I am a strong person who probably gave off the wrong impression when I was going through cancer. Much of my family didn’t really come in my hour of need I think I was expected to cry for help and I’m too proud for all that so I don’t really speak to many of them anymore.
The close family I did have were quite tough with me. I am kind of grateful for that now, but sometimes I struggle and I felt like I’m living in this emotional need deficit. Small things happen that most people can deal with but I feel like I need care and mollycoddling. It’s embarrassing really, but as strong as I am on the outside, it bears no resemblance to how things often are on the inside. I’ve mentioned before about regression and cancer, and it seemingly does bring out the inner-child, even after all this time.
Sometimes I seek out people who don’t give me what I need. The cold and detached because it’s mostly all I know. I really don’t want those kind of people in my life anymore as I need people who have emotional intelligence to at least understand partially why I feel like this..
I’ve got needs but I’m not needy!