Bleeding heck! (Warning TMI).

I’m taking you back in time to the mega period! 

I’m sure you’ll remember this because the mega period only finished in October! (Men if you’re reading you may wish to stop reading now. If you’re ‘ard enough though, you’ll read regardless because you’re a modern man who can bloody handle periods right)?!

I’m loving the period puns already! 

 So because of the medication I was taking, I didn’t have periods for almost a year and I  gloated this fact to my female friends and anyone that would listen. It was amazing! No cramps, no leaks, lots of uninterrupted sex (although that’s a lie, bloody hell- I wish). Anyway..

I’m one of those poor women who have a horrible horrible time of it. I have very heavy periods and suffer with a huge amount of pain and discomfort. The pain starts in my lower stomach and back and radiates down my legs to my knees. Like literally one third of my body is rendered useless.

 I would say being cut open from hip to hip,having things cut off and stitched back on, and all the needles and operations and procedures I’ve had to endure makes me a pretty tough cookie. My pain threshold is surely pretty high. So when I say my periods cause me a lot of pain I’m not joking. It’s miserable. I wake up in the night crying because it hurts so much. I’m 36 years old. Give it a bloody rest now!

Anyway my last period was 6-7 weeks long. That’s where it got its pet period name “Mega period.”  I don’t know what the fuck happened but it was horrific. Some days things were so bad I walked my dog for 20 minutes and came back looking like Carrie from the horror film. I thought it was never going to end and wondered if this was it now, I’d be on my period until death,  but eventually it did stop.  I had hoped that would be it for a while but NO! Mother Nature came back to par-tay in my uterus. BITCH!

Sure as hell one month later it’s back! I’m in agony. I can’t go out.  I am a prisoner to my mattress of a sanitary towel. This sucks! I’m hoping that this will not be a Mega period- god forbid! I always try to remind people that I’m living with the after effects of cancer treatment years on. Chemo interfered with my cycle and these long and painful periods are all due to drugs I’ve had to take. 

I’m going through all of this and I don’t even want to get pregnant thank you very much so can we just stop ovulating now thanks eggs? You’re not needed!! 

I guess women really did draw the short straw when it came to periods and childbirth (which really hurts too)! Men just have it so easy don’t they? Sigh..

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