“I just want you to be safe.”

Yesterday was a bit of a shock. I thought my appointment was to discuss ongoing surveillance, then they threw me the we want to remove your womb curveball. 

Now I’ve had time to think, it’s not really about the hysterectomy, it’s about cancer taking more from me than it should-it shows no mercy.  I also feel cheated and let down. They never really go in to detail regarding the bad effects from tamoxifen. Losing my fertility and an organ was not really part of the deal but do I really want a life worrying about breast cancer and womb cancer? No I don’t. 

Today I needed soothing and that’s what I got. Thank god for the cancer charities who provide such valuable support networks. Quite a contrast to screaming match I had  last night because I didn’t hear what I wanted to hear. “I just want you to be safe,” he said. (The guilt has all but eaten me up today). 

So here we are again. More problems and more choices and decisions to make. The possibility of two major surgeries this year-there really is no relief. 

It’s sad because this is not the life I wanted to lead and it’s all seemingly out of my control. 

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