Tired of life today.

I have a very sore neck and back pain which has been ongoing but this is different-like a sharp pain one side. I feel like a lot goes on in my sleep that I don’t know about because I wake up in pain. Occasionally I wake  up with clenched fists and gritted teeth. 

There seems to be a huge increase lately in people dying from cancer. It didn’t worry me really because they didn’t have my cancer therefore I disassociate myself from it. But now I think about it, it does actually bother me. It’s a reminder that nothing can be done for advanced cancer; a reminder that there is no cure. 

For someone who hates making decisions, I sure get presented with a lot of them. A confusing phone call today from the doctor has made things more complicated than they were before! Sometimes less choice is just a whole lot easier than having a whole bunch of dishes on the menu. 

Tomorrow I meet my surgeon and have my pre-op assessment. I’m tired. Tired of appointments, doctors, surgery. I’m tired of this life today.  



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