So this evening I took part in something very special. I spoke on camera at length about my cancer journey.
Talking about what I’ve been through has always been rather more difficult than writing for me. But as I move further on from diagnosis, the easier it’s become and reliving it is not so painful. I think of it now as my remarkable story as opposed to just my cancer story.
I’ve always had the same values, and I always stand by what I believe in. It’s funny though, you don’t really know what sort of person you are until you hit rock bottom and with every positive trait comes a negative consequence.
I’ve always been fiercely independent and pretty tough. I think people perceive me as sensitive because I’m very vocal, but I’m actually quite hard and find it very difficult to have feelings or care about others. I mean I have empathy and I hate to see someone upset, but I don’t really care deeply. So the negative consequence of being independent meant that I didn’t get a lot of help when I had cancer. I was too proud to ask for it.
I’ve always been very open and honest, because I refuse to dress cancer up in pink and fluffiness. I refused to say it’s fine and tell you all I’m so happy to be alive and I’m not scared of dying. I refused to spare your feelings, just because you couldn’t handle the truth.I refused to bow down to pressure from others to remain positive and happy every day. It was my disease, my ordeal and my life. My time was spent fighting this cancer and recovering not trying to live up to others expectations.
I was asked yesterday what I would say to someone diagnosed. I would tell them similar to what I’ve said above-to deal with it your way. If you want to cry for two days then do it. Bad days are part of the journey. Don’t ever let people make you feel guilty for having bad days.They could never understand how you’re feeling unless they’ve been through it. You are not a puppet. You don’t dance and perform because someone tells you
It’s a time in your life when it IS all about you. Don’t let people tell you it isn’t. Focussing on you and doing everything you can to get better is all that matters and that’s it sister. X