God I’ve missed baths. Yesterday I managed to shower and believe me it was needed. With my bad back, I’ve not paid attention to personal hygiene being in too much pain to move.
The lovely pink bubble bath I got for Mother’s Day kept catching my eye and today, I felt like I’d turned a mini corner. Back was still hurting but I was able to walk with little pain short distances and the spasms seemed to have subsided.
So, instead of just enjoying the slight relief on the sofa and some gentle yoga, I thought I’d give my back muscles a nice soak in the bath.
At first getting in the bath was a struggle. I began to think perhaps this was a bad idea. Eventually I lowered myself in to the warm bubbly soft water- it felt wonderful.
I must have layed there for 20 minutes. When it came to getting out it never occurred to me it’s actually quite a difficult manoeuvre, (at least if your lower back is completely fucked).
I tried to push myself up on my feet and up, but it hurt. I tried a few times, no avail. It was then I realised my back is no where near better and this indeed was, a very bad idea.
We tried pillows and cushions, but nothing worked. I had no strength and my muscles were weakened further by exiting attempts.
In the end my father had to saw the bath apart with me in it. It was very scary. I can only liken it to a David Copperfield magic trick crossed with a horror torture movie.
After the bath had been taken apart, I managed to roll out on to the floor freezing and tired. 3 hours I spent in the bath and so tonight’s bed is a mattress in the hallway. I had no energy to make it to bed tonight.
So whilst on my makeshift bed it got me thinking about things, about the shit run of luck I’ve had. How I wish I could run and jump and do cartwheels like other people. I feel like I’m the only woman in her 30’s whose back is messed up, but that’s only because I don’t know anyone else with a bad back. There’s always something wrong with my health and I don’t deserve it. I barely touch alcohol anymore, I eat healthily, my weight is just bordering on over average. But what I am is stressed. Very stressed, and I hold that stress in my neck down to my bottom (glutes).
Everything is so tight, it makes sense. The only way I can be less stressed is to forget the bad and focus on the good. My lovely children and my lovely house and I’m not hard up for a date or men’s attention. I didn’t do badly in the looks department (thanks to my beautiful mother). My writing is improving all the time, it’s my passion. I’m so lucky that I’ve found my niche, some people spend their whole lives searching for it.
Getting stuck in the bath today was a lesson to slow down. Feeling good takes time, it doesn’t happen over night. I get so excited about things that I inevitably overdo it and I suffer the consequence. (This instance about £300 for a new bath)..