Those that drive me mad. 

The people that drive me absolutely mad are:

  • Those that read my blog often but chose to say nothing. Pretend they’ve not read it. This isn’t Ok magazine for celebrity gossip. I chose to put it out there but if you know me personally you do kind of have a right to make contact or comment sometimes or else what does it really say about you?
  • Those that read my blog and then contact me as if to say know they don’t know what’s going on or act all obvious and want me to explain it all again. Why should I give you a separate written verse? If were mutually important to each other you  wouldn’t even need to read my blog to find out how I am anyway. Stop being precious. “Oh Woe is me, what about  our plans we made, keep me in the loop etc..” How about at a time where my life hangs on a string and you’re only thinking about your own irrelevant needs, you try stepping it up a bit? Do you know how tiring it is trying to censor information and drip feed everyone so that they can handle it? I’m too tired to think of everyone else. The only thing I care about is my immediate family right now. Everything else comes 2nd, and that’s the way it will always be. 

People have generally been great of late though and sometimes it can be overwhelming. I can’t get back to each and every message and phone call but when my head is more together I will do.

The MRI scan was truly awful yesterday and moving me on to the bed on to the scanner was painful. I refused to have my CT scan following. I was tired hurting and feeling sick. There was a lot of pressure and guilt thrown my way but I’m having it today so managed to stood by ground. By day I’m an angry patient. By night I’m more kind and chilled out.

 The good news is there’s no chord compression which I think means I’m not disabled or there’s no permanent damage. But what there are are “changes” things that do not look right and need investigating. It’s the sccariest news, and I can’t tell you how sad and worried I feel but at the same time my pain is/was real and I needed people to know this in the first instance.

 I never wanted to be in this position. But somehow I’ve found myself here and must try and cope by surrounding myself with the best support network I have. If you’re just here for the craic or to merely feel better about your own life, I can’t stop you from reading, but remember this is my life, and your staying away is only serving you purpose. 

From now on my life voicemail is on. I’m screening people in my life, the ones who want to be there not the ones who want to be nosey.

Leave your message after the beep.

X

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One Comment

  1. Dee

    I want to yell scream and shout to how unfair this awful disease is as a fellow sufferer. I live alone and undergoing treatment was challenging and very isolating. Only another cancer patient really understands I have found. We want to cry we want to grieve and people bat us off with a ‘it’ll be alright look on the bright side’ from their cosy cancer free perspective. They dont know what its like so its not their fault. But all i want is someone there to let me cry xxx

    Like

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