Poor poor liver. 

My poor liver is very unhappy. Cancer cells are growing there in multiple capacities. Apparently the amount isn’t too concerning as they can get rid of them but still, a shock to find out that your liver is covered in breast cancer cells. 

 Luckily I’m feeling well. Although I’m very very tired and don’t have much of an apetite. Today I had a liver biopsy to check that the cancer is the same type I had before to determine treatment. Sometimes the cancer type changes completely but it’s not often. I’m hoping they got enough samples because it was agony. The pressure on my ribs was painful and the needle going in to numb the area was agony. Immediately it hurt to breathe and I felt localised pain in my shoulder which is common. I was crying and said I couldn’t take anymore but they must have got what they wanted in the nick of time. 

  I just kept thinking please god don’t let me suffer with all these painful procedures anymore. I’m not strong enough to keep having all this done. But then something kicks in and says I must fight another day and do whatever it takes. Sometimes I feel like I wish I could close my eyes and not have to deal with anymore pain or worry. It would be so easy just to say ok cancer, you want to kill me off I should just stop resisting.

Like I say I’m tired. Mentally and physically exhausted, unsure what my tolerance level for pain and fighting really is.