A Breakdown and D day. 

 Last night I was moved to St George’s and I’ve got my own room which is nice and peaceful.

The doctors here work all night so I was giving blood and going through all my history and the usual fighting the doctor moves with my feet to prove how strong I am.

Unfortunately though I was very upset last night and spent an hour crying on the phone home. I think it’s totally normal to be frightened and have these bad days but they still make me feel very sad afterwards and exhausted. Perhaps even a little disappointed in myself. Like every time I’m thinking I’m going to die I’m giving in and putting my body through stress and turmoil- an environment I know the cancer loves and wants. 

Anyway today is the day of my op. I will be on my front and they will operate on the bastard T12 bone that’s fractured. I feel very sorry for my poor spine and back, it never stood a chance against that awful cancer and has been working so hard to keep me going. I am so lucky there is no spinal chord compression, but it was just a matter of time before that would have happened. I will have titanium screws in my back and some cement. 

The doctor said in a way the pain was a blessing. My body let me know that there was something wrong. Mets do not  present themselves  with pain all the time. 

I’m exhausted but I’m ready to do this. If I’m going to start chemo and treatment I need to be strong and fit.

See you on the other side, after a floaty dream or two. 

 

Yours, 

anaesthetic queen 

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