Although my days are certainly not what you would consider busy, I manage to fill them by waking up pretty late- 10am give or take half an hour each way. I then take my morning tablets and have a cup of tea. The first wee of the day is always difficult. It’s a mad rush to the loo (remember it’s still hard for me to sit up and move around).
Then I eat breakfast which is really boring. I don’t really like sugary cereal, I don’t eat meat or dairy, mostly I eat toast with marmite, I don’t have much of an appetite pre-lunch anyway.
I walk around for a bit to stretch my legs, and have a wash and change in to pj bottoms that don’t keep falling down which is hard because all of mine are too big now and hanging off me, often my lily white arse is on display. Nobody really cares. I’ve given up on caring. Then I move in to the lazy boy chair. I catch up on messages, twitter, social media and I watch everything I’ve recorded and Netflix shows which takes up most of the afternoon. I become engrossed in things, so I don’t think about cancer. I love the day time. Sure it’s frustrating I can’t really go out, but I’m emotionally together.
Around lunchtime I have my first carrot juice. Throughout the day we juice 6 carrots 3 apples and a big knob of ginger. I feel like it’s doing some good.
As the day goes on and it gets dark outside, my mood starts to change. Everything is just background noise and my illness is all I can think about. When the lights go out, I often cry. It’s just me and my thoughts. I need to learn to focus on mindfulness and positivity at night. I hate being so upset, when I know how happy I can be.
So…I start chemo today. A nasty one that makes your bones and muscles ache, upsets your stomach, sickness, can’t taste anything apart from a furry mouth, black nails, the list goes on. It will be my 7th chemo to date and I will have 6 cycles again.
I’ve named myself Lara Croft of chemo.