The rainbow will come out again. (Living with stage 4 cancer) 

You may recall that I once had a fairly stressful job in which we had to partake in monthly group sessions to talk about our feelings.

The leader and I had a disagreement that it’s wrong to voice  things that happen to you as unfair. I imagine from a psychological academics point of view, this negative view of “life’s not fair” is not encouraged. 

I’ve tried to explain my case many a time, but people simply do not like people expressing realism (or negativity for the fluffy optimists),  or they have not suffered  so much and life hasn’t been too cruel to them. 

Thinking something is unfair but not saying it aloud-what good is that? Acknowledge it. Shout it out, get it out of your system. Wallowing in self-pity is not the point I’m making. I’m sure nobody thinks that their life is unfair all day everyday. 

I’m 36 years old and I have stage 4 cancer. I wanted to live a cancer free life but for some reason it came back and destroyed my world and everyone else’s in it. 

IT’S FUCKING UNFAIR. 

But, I’m not giving up just because I’ve been unlucky. I still keep pushing forwards and being grateful for things- things I wouldn’t always think about, until people remind me of them. It is after all easy to forget all the sparkle in your life when you’ve been dealt an almighty blow. 

I think the worst fear for me having secondary cancer is that I wouldn’t  wake up in the morning. At least it was a bit like that in the beginning. But it’s not really like that. I’m being treated, and I find inspiration from the people that have been living with spread for years. Kris Hallenga founder of Coppafeel charity has been living with it for over 7 years and she lives a very active life!

It’s hard to imagine living an active life at the moment, but like my children say “You will get better Mum, you just need to give yourself some time.” 

But back to the original reason for the blog post. It’s ok to say aloud that things aren’t great and you don’t think something is fair even if there is nothing you can do to change your situation. Cry it out, shout it out, and then the rainbow will come out again..

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