So no one told me it was gonna be this way.

We all remember Friends and it’s catchy theme tune by the Rembrandts – I’ll be there for you. 

When you have terminal cancer, that basic  friendship rule of being there for someone doesn’t always apply. People stay away, and barely make effort to keep in contact. The good ones are there, sometimes even overly fussing, and for a proud person I am inclined to push people away but that’s because I’m scared we are going to talk cancer all the time. That said I’m not going to ask you to come and see me or beg for a visit. 

I don’t know how long I have left, in my heart I’m positive and hopeful but how I feel is very different to how I think. It’s hard to know whether I’m weak because of treatment or if things have got bad. How do you know? I sleep a lot and have headaches. I have terrible fatigue.

 I try not to be resentful about this situation. Once you tell people your news and the shock wears off they naturally get on with their own lives. But it feels kind of cruel to be forgotten about entirely and the ones who haven’t visited at all – I feel like our friendship is over and actually, I’m ok with that. Why be friends with people who don’t want to be there for you during the worst time? 

I’ll be there for you, ’cause you’re there for me too..”

Sadly it doesn’t always work out that way…

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