A while ago I had a chat with my oncologist (who I see all the time now, rather than different ones, perhaps that’s a perk of being stage 4, like an upgrade to business class)! She’s nice. Rather poker faced, not feeling sorry for me or hugging me, (some do) which I rather like. She’s very thorough and pragmatic. Anyway I asked her about scans as I wanted to know if the treatment is working. At first she said I probably wouldn’t be scanned which I found odd, but then she checked and told me I’d be scanned mid-way point, between chemo 3 and 4. Great I thought! Then SHIT I thought! It’s what I wanted, at least I wanted a scan which showed reduction in metastasises, I wanted a good result. Who wants to go through all of this treatment to not get a reward? Not me.
Whilst I remain confident, the thought of impending scan with cancer as advanced as mine is petrifying. I’m sure you know the other two possibilities that can arise from this scan barring improvement, so I won’t go there, but the realist in me knows that this can happen.
I always say be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it. Ain’t that the truth?!
Maybe if I wish really hard, the cancer might go away…?