Hide and seek.

So cancer is really sneaky. I remember my last scan only the end of last year. No cancer was found, but I knew that didn’t really mean much. A scan only shows cancer when it reaches a certain size. Obviously a clear scan always made me happy, it was relief, but I never really celebrated too much because “no evidence of disease” as they like to call it is not really worth the paper it’s written on. 

 I had so sign of cancer in my body 4-5 months ago. Now it shows a lot of spread throughout my body. Just like that, so quickly. The scary thing is barring my back pain I had no symptoms anywhere else. It’s disappointing. I am happy for others when they want to shout from the rooftops that they are cancer free, but the cynic in me wonders whether their bubble will one day be burst like mine. It’s always best to hope for the best and believe that your cancer won’t ever come back. In many people it won’t, and that’s all down to modern medicine, new treatments and the wonderful NHS. Most of us would never be able to afford our healthcare. I know my bill is well in to the 100’s of thousands now. 
It’s my last week of freedom before my third chemo. I feel well but I’m having terrible headaches everyday which is worrying but hopefully it’s nothing sinister. I can’t believe I’m nearly half way through treatment already. My back is much much better. I even had a bath today and got out like a bloody gymnast! You might remember me getting stuck in the bath a couple of months ago as my fractured vertebrae was just so painful. This is just further proof that I’m on the mend and the neurosurgeon fixed me (and it’s so nice to have a bath again)!

I try not to read other people’s news with a similar diagnosis to mine. Why? Because everyone’s different. For me it’s best to remain ignorant and not scare myself to death with someone else’s bad news. 

 I almost wish I’d been so strict with myself the first time around. This time I’m stronger and far more kick-ass. It’s like stage 2b cancer was the dress rehearsal, and stage 4 is real- my last chance to give it my all.. X 

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