Death doesn’t frighten me, I just don’t want to die.

When I think of my life now I visualise it as a sand timer. The months represent  particles of sand that slip through the little hole far too quickly.

 I was diagnosed again in March and it’s June already. I’m still only just coming to terms with my news yet three whole months have passed!  For me that’s precious valuable time.

My blog title was actually inspired by another going through similar to me but she is further down the line. I could be wrong but I wonder if death actually scares anybody apart from people with real phobias, or is it the not wanting to die that’s the hardest part?

Nobody (barring those with severe depression or suicidal tendencies) really wants to die whether they are 18 or 80. It’s always too soon. I try to soothe myself and make the best of my situation. I tell myself I could have died as a child, my teens, or died in my 20’s and I’ve made it to mid-late thirties so far. But if I could make 50 that would be amazing, or better still 60- still both relatively young ages but all those extra years would be the best gift I could ask for.  Life truly is a gift and you simply can’t put a price on it. 

I know it’s going to be a long hard battle ahead. And I know at times I’m going to publicly tell you that I can’t do this anymore, but I’ll find the strength from somewhere to keep going so I can continue making memories…