Sometimes just for brief moments, I forget about it.

Today my 4th chemo went well. Now I wait for the side effects and hope I escape the bulk of them like the last cycle. 

As chemo goes on I’m getting more and more fatigued which is very annoying, but I can’t do much about that, apart from keep pushing and trying to stay active and eat a diet full of nutrients. 

After a bizarre feeling of disappointment regarding yesterday’s mid-way scan results, I’ve decided that they were pretty good overall, particularly in my lungs. Sometimes it overwhelms me so much. I’m also annoyed that they never told me the extent of my secondaries. Their reasoning was that the areas are pretty minor compared to the main areas. I have breast cancer cells in my sternum and several in my spine both of which have regressed and are healing. I have liver and lung mets and one tiny lesion in my brain which I’ve known about for a while and couldnt actually speak after they told me that. Basically I have the full whammy. Yet strangely they aren’t too worried and although I have multiple areas involved they say the mets are mostly tiny and I have a lot of treatment options. I’d rather just have bone mets but this is how it is and I cannot change what’s happened and change the aggressive nature of my cancer. 

Sometimes when I am busy and focussing on something like cooking or writing, I forget about the enormity of my diagnosis and I feel so wonderful and free for those brief moments.

 I must remember that keeping busy is the best thing I can do, particularly doing things I enjoy because this disease does not deserve all my time and thought – it is all take and gives nothing back.