There’s something I’ve noticed which bothers me a lot. People who mourn the loss of their friends and acquaintances but weren’t really there for them during their time of need. I ask myself if I’m being unfair or being bitter but I don’t think either. Perhaps the sheer hypocrisy of people doesn’t bother others as much as it does me? Who knows?
If you were a friend of mine and backed away in my time of need, if you never visited, never called or were a shoulder for me to cry on, if you knowingly went radio silent on me, don’t be loud when I die. Don’t pretend that you were my great friend when you weren’t. Don’t make out you’re sad and affected when you’re not.
Anyway this isn’t just about me it’s about being a good friend to someone when they’re sick. If you can’t handle it, have the grace and decency to say “I’m sorry I can’t deal with this I can’t be a good friend to you anymore.” Yeah the truth hurts, but it’s much kinder in the long run. Don’t dip your toe in the shallow end and send a text or a Facebook message every few months casually asking “how’s things?” You’ve gotta jump in the deep end. It’s choppy and unpredictable in those waters when your friend has cancer, but true friendship isn’t always just sunshine and rainbows. It’s tough, it involves time, effort and support. Don’t completely vanish on somebody like they don’t exist or their illness repulses you.
Good friends don’t conduct their friendships from their iPhone. They get up off their bottoms and go and see that person, or they pick up the phone. Unfortunately society got very complacent. This laziness sucks when you aren’t sick let alone gravely ill. I always said that people only care about you when you’re dying, but now that I actually am I have to change that statement because it’s not always true. People only (pretend) to care about you when you’re dead. Ouch! Not very subtle, but you know me-I’ve never been one to sugar coat things.
I deleted my Facebook last week because I wondered what the hell I was doing communicating with people via Facebook messaging or worse comments on my status who I hadn’t seen since last year! I don’t need to be on Facebook to keep in touch with my real friends because they put the effort in and mostly people just want to be nosey online anyway,they aren’t really interested in whether you’ve spent all week throwing up, or whether you’ve lost your hair for the 3rd time. People were adding me as a friend that I hadn’t seen in years. (I rest my case)! Anyway, it’s superficial and I no longer need it in my life.
I do genuinely love this world, and most of the people in it but dying really opens your eyes to the sheer selfishness and falseness of others. If you’ve been constantly absent from your friend’s life then you don’t really have the right to publicly mourn their death.
I know this sounds like I’m being mean, but I come from a good place and I hoped that it might help someone who is struggling with the same feelings of abandonment. Perhaps it might give your absent friend some food for thought or that little push to just be honest with you.
I can’t think of anything worse than having people at my funeral who weren’t ever there. It’s polite and the done thing to have everybody present who wants to be there, but if the reasons are out of guilt or just for show, I don’t want them there, or more accurately put-over my dead body!! X