I’ve been in Australia for 9 days now-cliche, but it feels like I’ve been here forever. I’m ten thousand miles away from my problems-it does naturally make everything easier. I’d normally say running away from your problems at home was unwise and cowardice, but I don’t feel like I’m running away, merely drifting-loving and enjoying life. Cancer is of course in me, but it feels like I left it at home. Nobody knows I have cancer here. The flight attendants, the people in the hotels, the therapists in the spa-I lie of course during the consultation because I want to be pampered. I also don’t want pity from anyone. I’m the lucky girl from London who likes to write, and travels a lot. I get to stay in wonderful hotels and spoil myself. Of course if people knew the truth they wouldn’t view me as lucky. I’m doing all these things in quick succession, things that some people may never do or most people would do over a long period of years. But don’t be envious of me. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be living with cancer not knowing when you have to start chemo again or when your time is up. As much as I can mostly forget it all over here, that dreaded cancer still somehow manages to worm its way in and taint the great experiences I’m having.
I’m certainly cramming the amazing experiences in. One reason is obvious-my time is shortened on this earth, the other reason-it just makes life so much more exciting, and there’s no tears or fear of dying when you’re busy doing all these fabulous things.
People constantly remark on how amazing I am and how proud they are of me which only reminds me of my illness. I am not a sick person-I have a lot of energy, I move like a healthy person. I look like a healthy person. The only thing that says I’m not a healthy person is a scan of the inside of my body. So I ask that people don’t treat me like a sick person, because I couldn’t feel more removed from that. Maybe I have years yet. Don’t write me off or feel sorry for me-I’m doing what I’m doing because I want to and because I feel well enough to.