Most of us cry sometimes, some more than others. I used to think how often you cried depended on how emotional you were but I realise now that some of us are just better at holding back the tears. Some people don’t outwardly cry, but cry on the inside. Perhaps this sort of sadness is the hardest of all to deal with; the unexpressed and hidden kind?
I consider myself an emotional person and I do cry, although much less these days, perhaps because I’m a lot happier now than I’ve ever been and I’ve been busy travelling the world so I haven’t really had the time to feel unhappy. Sometimes I think we cry and don’t know the reason for our tears, or we aren’t quite sure who our tears are for. There are times when we can predict our tears-a sad film or at a funeral for instance, but other times they can come as a complete shock. It starts with a familiar stinging in the nose and then the involuntary dampness of the eyes. It’s a deep sadness which needs releasing.
Today I wept as I learned that Louis Tomlinson’s mother passed away from leukaemia aged 43. I don’t know him and didn’t know her personally, but I felt instant grief and deep empathy for Louis. I lost my mother too at more or less the same age as Louis in my early 20s and it almost broke me. Anyone who has lost their mother knows exactly what I mean. The loss is just immeasurable, but to lose your mum when you’re young changes you forever. Then I read all the comments from people exclaiming that 43 is far too young to die and it reminded me of my terminal diagnosis and how young I am. I know they’ll say the same about me. “She died too young.” But I know that as hard as all the above is to accept, my tears were probably for my children. I too will be leaving young children without a mother, and they don’t deserve it. Yes I think I cried for them.
In the wake of so many celebrity deaths, the thousands of cancer deaths, tragedies and deaths from war around the world, it should remind us all what really matters especially at Christmas. It really doesn’t matter what’s wrapped up sitting under the Christmas tree. It’s just stuff. What matters is who is around the table. Look around and be grateful. If you have your health and family around you you have the best gifts of all…