After a real low day this week, caused by a mixture of what’s been going on in the world, and the after effects of the drugs, I’ve decided I’m feeling quite content. I’ve had great scan results, much of the cancer has gone! It looks like I’ll be having cyber knife to try and zap my brain mets and if that’s successful I’ll barely have any cancer left at all. Isn’t that something to celebrate? I think so!
Although less frequently than at the beginning of this woe, when my mind wanders off in to the worry zone, I’m now very good at bringing myself back to the here and now, focussing on how well I feel and on how much I’m able to do. Whilst being active and doing normal things is important, I don’t believe in heavy exercise, I think it’s too much for me personally with secondary cancer. I believe in getting oxygen in your body by gentle exercise, nothing that tires the body out, because surely rest helps the body repair itself? Obviously diet and exercise are down to the individual and I wouldn’t criticise anyone for their choices. Some of the supplements I take would be deemed as quite wacky to some I’m sure, but psychologically at least they are of great help to me and the placebo effect can be a wonderful thing.
“There can be miracles when you believe.”
Slightly off topic-I’ve been having a bit of trouble at my daughter’s school recently so that’s been weighing on my mind and I’ve thought a lot at times like these, life would be so much easier going through this without the girls. All my time to myself, no stress, no school deadlines, no bank of mum, no last minute sewing on buttons on their blouses and skirts, it’s hard. I wouldn’t change it though-none of it. They are my best friends, cliche perhaps, but if you knew us you’d understand. Everyone has someone or something to help them stay strong in a crisis and they were certainly my rocks-bigger than that, they were my boulders and continue to be. I watch how independent and strong they are and I’m proud. I know they will be ok. I hate this diagnosis, I hate being 37 with incurable cancer, but I am so very blessed in so many ways. It might be hard for a healthy person to understand- I don’t have my health but I have so much else and there’s happiness here in abundance.
Next week the three musketeers are off to Italy for the week creating more amazing memories and don’t worry; there are many more global destination ideas, because I feel great, and believe me-it’s going to stay like this for a long time..